what torments lay ahead for
those who seek them. what
small mercies arrive in
weeks unwanted, unwanting.
paralysed by stone-heavy thoughts,
delirium that finds me unguarded
this is everything old & new
this is everything; ember & flame

i have already forgotten
my last deluge, my last
interlude of blues

this neat chair, that old notebook
final notices & mail, oh-so-much mail.
details that push the day through
my room in due course has become
pale, secretive. stripped of
all colour, of my poet's notes,
stubbed-down pencils & feathers
of crows; it seems more an
asylum, hours dedicated to
masterpieces of madmen
masterpieces of madmen
there are better things.

unchained at last, i have forsaken you
& in return i have lost a good deal;
my act, my delights, the sole of
my left shoe ((if you could have
seen me laughing & pleading))
now am left with nothing
save for self-loathing
this
my last great irony
this
i shall remember
as the difference in
attraction & division