& it all falls down, because what you represent is all i knew & what you are i never got the chance to & i am on the verge of bend & snap & broken. this isn't working out. none of it. none of this wanting & thinking big circles out loud & goddamnit, just existing. losing these deadlines in my head, barely have a conversation & all i do is unwind my ball of twine into straight, rough lines. simply being alive is too much & yet not barely enough.

there & then i am over you. somewhere between the princes highway & day avenue, everything changes.

& i'm walking up the main drag, to pass the lecture theatre i'm supposed to be in. & i've got my favourite umbrella at hand, waiting to strike the first thing that defies me. & the headphones in my ears are making things alright. & then. & then.

& then there you are, just in sight. staring at me like you've read me right through, like you know exactly where i've been this morning, like you know my fears & mistakes down to the detail. & i've become all stricken & mad & want to dropdrop dead. so i look away.

only to end up behind you, in line, as you get a freaking latte. my heart is thumping out crazy jazz beats & i'm realising that you're not that tall when i'm wearing my cutie-pie shoes & you don't have your hat on. & senselessly i'm avoiding you because i don't know what happened out there; whether i imagined it or not or maybe it's just this yellow skirt floating in the breeze, making somewhat of a spectacle of me? you stare out over the glass, & my utmost attention is being paid to saying a skinny cappuccino, please. i don't know how far to analyse, so it's pretty opportune that i take my sugar & you disappear.

there's too much to think out
there's too much i resent you for
there's too much to play & re-play & to change

& now these cutie-pie shoes really want to kick your jaw inside out