bones collapsing beneath
dry winter skin. i
command my old habits
& make them more potent
& i suffer for it.

everything can't go right
when i've worked so goddamn hard
to make it wrong, to make it awkward
to make it poisondiseaselust.
whisper words into the dark room,
dimly lit by some solemn light
i am a fraud
& then to burst between
all the fits & tears.

reach for the glass of water to ease
the ache on my mind, the complexity
of staying awake & sleeping for kicks
conversing with an impatient air,
you never want to understand,
you don't know a thing.

i keep falling under the spell,
turning to dust everyday.