for screaming in
silence. the man across
from my bench is reading
a dan-brown-book
with patience.
i curse the ground
with my tap-tapping shoe.
pace up & down the sidewalk,
lean forward so-eagerly when
a vehicle passes by.
& the buses are mocking me again.
fifteen minutes,
twenty minutes,
half-an-hour
late.
& the sun is
starting to set
again.
hop onto a bus,
recite an incantation,
spend most of the time
memorising the road
& murmuring french lyrics.
at last i
arrive at
the house of
mary-jane.
get picked up by
an intoxicated girl
& a man with blue eyes.
((in cavalry of deep grey, where seatbelts are rendered useless))
drive down long roads to
the edge of the earth,
where the water lies
flatter than paper
against the powdered sky.
devour moussecake on
a picnic bench. sing
'happy birthday'
without gusto.
skip towards a
pool-hall-cafe.
where we lose
all concentration,
coaxing coloured marbles,
swinging cues across the air,
laugh louder than
anyone there.
((take longer than anyone to finish a game))
an intoxicated girl
drops from the table.
((yells "fuck yeah!" like a war cry))
& five become three,
we flee into the
evening.
sit on the sand,
eat, converse. a
man juggles fire
on the steps.
wander aimlessly,
catching sight of rats.
rats, rats, rats.
they are everywhere.
as we sit by the rockpool
a freakishly large rodent
hisses & races across our vision.
mary-jane & i scream in fear.
leap up, attempt to escape,
fall over myself laughing.
glance at couples
kissing in the dark,
we break all their
lovely seclusion.
a picnic table revives
the feeling of
deja vu.
speak of things
erratic & old.
three aquaintances arrive
with false kisses & hugs.
a man ((named aiden))
stumbles towards us.
slurs his words, already
lost in an irish accent.
his eyes are rimmed with
a thread of blue. his
pupils are the largest
i've ever seen.
((three aquaintances flee fast.))
i will never forget the vagueness in his eyes.
couldn't even flinch when i saw that rim of blue. for some reason i could look into this madman's eyes without being afraid. as though there was something harmless in his wild, lost gaze. i usually hate looking into the eyes of people i don't know. maybe because he couldn't comprehend the way i was picking him apart, i felt free to simply stare.
he jumbles detail like
a lucky dip.
friend gone. german. gaelic. i'm shy you see. spanish. work at seven in the morning. i'm shy you see. wouldn't usually. ershestyu? three girls. i live in clovelly. weird. wow. beach. aiden. seven in the morning. thirtytwo. i work in new south wales. protestant. tiny white pill. thirty dollars a pop. first time, i swear. you're a thurrylyalyi. earshin un. wow. weird. beach. three girls. hard eyes. phone. shudiyungeree. call. no credit. kicked out of club. wouldn't usually. no. three girls. you. tiny white pill. thirty dollars a pop. first time, i swear. first time, i swear. first time, i swear.
when we jump in
the car, we yell;
"just drive! just drive!
go! go! lock the doors!"
a man named aiden
stumbles in the grass
like a body without bones.
...
& he vanishes.