4:31 pm . clich�
sifting sad sand
through sad fingers
to know there's no resolution
& even the most eloquent idiot
isn't reason enough for me
to stay
to fight
a battle i want to lose.

dig a hole deep enough
for me to climb right into
& hide away from the fact
that i hate crying in public
((but of course, you wouldn't know that))
& here on such a sunny saturday,
i'm crying by the ocean.
you're right next to me
& you won't just shut up
& realise the irrelevance
& you don't understand what i intend
& you say the same words that you said the minute before
i may as well be alone.

the horizon seems to retreat with every mouthful of sentences that i claim as my own. a swimmer's limbs are splaying hundreds of metres away. it's amazing, exhilirating. but i can't accept that truth has a way of playing it's own game. & between the thoughts that chain themselves around my mind, the emotion, the fumbling rhetoric, the excuses, the lack of coffee for my tired veins, between it all there should only be one plain fact.

let me deny myself
just another time.

nostalgia . uncertainty