late night silences,
refusing hot drinks.
soft songs for
slumber.

i walked along the beach tonight. there were a fresh set of footprints by the water. these small, slender feet. black water. shadowed skyline. waves smashing, crashing, exhaling. the cuffs of my jeans, wet. i thought about you again. i tried to cry. instead i just felt heavy & drenched & numb. you should have seen my sillouhette on the sea. it was so tiny, so insignificant. i felt like walking into the waves, melting into that infinite body, moving forever.

do you know how angry i am? towards you? towards myself? there's no antidote for this. i have to learn to truly hate you.

i have to hate you with my mouth.