of not knowing sleep,
substituted by some
caffeinne fix.
shielded from the sunlight, hoping
to know you by knowing allies
it's useless
silly.
clothes so out of place & i turn to stone
by the presence of faces,
they seem unimportant today.
you enter the room
& i turn into
the worst kind of fool,
desperately avoiding the moment that i'd willingly embrace.
deja vu by the quadrangle steps
my eyes turned down
so the volume doesn't ache,
so maybe you don't notice
but your head turns
slightly.
& i'm reminded how easy it should be.
unravel the reality of it
wander, lost in
the same old cafe
the same old dish
the same old bus.
nerves are in tow of feeling numb & in the shade of a post box my hands have stopped shaking, at last. i'm here again, like there's some solace on this footpath. legs stretched out to ruin silk stockings. a coward's cure, but it's enough for now.
discard the thoughtless decision
to know & know &
i don't want to know.
wake with red eyes, like
i've been cried out to dry,
honestly though, it's my
anxious slumber.
i've got chains
to wrap myself up,
& sink to the bottom
some days it's the only place to be