the glare of the room
or perhaps it's the space
where darkness has
fallen away.

i thought i saw you standing there.

there's something so overwhelming about having to wake up every morning. & there's something exhausting about trying to get to bed every evening.

& i almost feel brave for making it through the day.

((i am my only contention))

my hands are
worn out. tired
of expressing my
thoughts.

what if i just wanted to talk?

just stay up & drink
black coffee. because
ella fitzgerald sings it
that way. just soak the pillow
in my reservations, inclinations
& i dedicate it to you.

watch the streets
turn cold, maybe
porcelain. forget
the glass, the thief
climbing towards me.

i've drained myself;
sat by the road,
tired & thirsty.
wait for an answer
& it never comes
around.

exiled myself from
ever
ever
...
or i could have
kept you instead.