another ode
to you?
after i've wasted
everything
everything
already.
i need a piece of something to
fill the spaces where you were.
everyday i try
to plan another
adventure.
((i miss you so))
after all this. after all this. i said it so lightly but you make it sound so sinister.
i bought a lovely card today.
watercolourstrongblues
& a geisha ((named sayuri)).
i want to travel
alone.
...
i spend too much time alone these days.
whenever i'm bored
i go walking;
to the park
to newtown
to a cafe
to anywhere.
one of these days i'll
walk across water.
((i try sometimes. i do.))
i already travel alone.
still, i revel
in my solitude.
((i can take one hundred years))
i really do
need a muse.
i need you
to be
my art.
sometimes i forget that you are the one i want to hurt. is it worth it to distill you into ink? no, it never was. but still, i try...
keep trying to
convince yourself,
that there's
no blame
on you.
the blame is
all
on
you.
innocence is irretrievable.
& your sincerity
is laughable.
we tell a ring of truth
we tell a ring of lies.
it was all
your consequence.
took a flower
from the pavement,
& tucked it
in my hair.
these are the slumberless ravings of a madgirl with writer's block. i am so desperate for a storyline that your voice is about to haunt my every sanctuary.
((last night i had this absolutely crazy dream that i stole marisa's car & i walked away from you all over again. it doesn't even make sense; i haven't seen you in years, but it scared me senseless. nostalgia, i'm asking you to simply slay me now.))