so unworthy of everything.
i keep whispering the word 'sorry'. as though the number of times i say it will somehow express to you just how sorry i am. & i can't say it any softer or i'll just be making silence again. why couldn't you just understand? why couldn't i just speak?
why do you have to make me feel so small?
i'm only enough to wrap around your little finger. only enough to knowingly ignore. only enough to barely be remembered. because i will always be a ghost. i will always be a stupid irrelevancy. a pathetic, foolish entity. because i don't think i'll ever matter enough to you.
i wear my very saddest clothes when i think i'll see you again. vain hope that you'll notice i'm not okay, that i've missed you, that every thought is punctuated by you. it's pointless though; you don't haunt the same places. my clothes are not words. nothing can really replace the time i've spent tormenting myself.
it's like some sort of fate that things turned out this way. like a piece of irony. like a glorious poetic justice. like a slap in the face. you used to make me feel special. & it took so long to realise you were fooling me.
i'm just so easy to fool.