when my hands feel cold i get this crazy idea that my heart has stopped. stripped of circulation; i only have you to blame.
i only have you
to pin my silent
sadness to.
make a declaration.
& tell you that i
don't want to do this
anymore.
just keep it to yourself
you speak too plainly.
((you better make it metaphor))
i'm beginning to think
that everyone is you.
isn't that simply mad?
i look for you
in places
where i know you've been.
but you no longer
rule the earth.
i've come to see
just how much of
a fucking fool
you are.
& i'm just the same for i believed you so, so much
((sway my way, i need to know all about you))
anyone could see it
except you.
& i inherit nothing
from this place,
apart from
your sins.
i'm just a makebelievemartyr
...
& i feel like you betrayed me.
i walk to the end of the earth & find i forget where it is i'm going. so i walk back to places like home & i fall over a fantasy & i never seem to hit the ground.
((i had a duskdream where i'd finally sneak out of the house at midnight & walk all the way back to school. it lights up like a nightmare when we reach the darkest hour. i just want to feel a bit of fear. i just want to be brave. i just want to go walking at night; it makes me feel so free.))
the songstress makes me weep for you.
there's a moment between every second.
all i ever
all i ever
all i ever
...
rouge et noir
rouge et noir
rouge et noir.
it's like a heartbeat
when i change for you.
i just want to loathe you forever.
please, no more
red rhythms
to make me
think i care.
one of these days,
i'm going to stop grieving over you.