days like this one.
indian summer
simmering beneath
a murky-grey sky
my father claims
it will hail soon
i hope he is right
the heat makes me feel
like sleepness and languid.
how divine,
if only this were a time
for indulgence.
i've just felt terrible lately
it's not just this hsc
i don't even give a flying fuck
about that.
i feel like...
i want to let go of you
because you, my dear
have let go of me
so very often
remember when
you went back on your word?
and my little heart&head&hands
fell into my lap.
i coloured in my page
over and over and over
so i could block you out.
but it doesn't work.
it doesn't work
why do i cling to pain?
why can't i remember glimmery-golden moments?
why do i only remember you
hurting me?
i
thought of you as
we
drove towards the highway
and into the sunset.
your image scattered on
the road
as i sang along
to a little ditty
((one that reeks of you))
slept amongst
my insecurity
so afraid
that i'll be run to the ground
slices of passion
that wilt from my face
are you trying to scare me?
you could have just looked me in the eye
it would have been enough.
it's foolish
i write the same story out
over and over and over.
but i can never get it right
it's too hard to express
just how many things
you make me feel
horrible. tiny. sweet. amazing. sad. cryingcryingcryingcrying. laughing. nervous. shaking. envious. stuckinmythroat. trapped. pathetic. little. indelible. mess. jealous. happy. sadsadsad. tearsagain. for youmydear. sleep. wake. onmymind. always. stupid. glimmering in your wake. saltwaterstreaming. rogue. fantastic. absolutely irrelevant.
don't you get it?
you just make me feel like shit
absolute shit.
even for all your grace,
even for all your genorosity,
i just can't take it
because you don't even understand
that i think you're the
most extraordinary person i'll ever meet.
and you think
i don't want
to know you.
((butidobutidobutido))
i've tried to tell you
how wonderful you are
god, in my own
little way
i've tried.
but you don't see it.
& if this is as potent
as i've ever felt,
and you don't even realise,
then how am i to spend
the rest of my life?