mad-dash-rush.
i'm late.late.late
& not caring
& messedup
& i haven't had enough sleep.
blank bus-ride to
the park. impervious
to anything.
muddle & muse,
eat & laugh.
seeming more like fools,
for every minute.
watch a kite in the trees
& ducks on the water.
take a walk
with jovana
for an hour
or so.
tall, yellow grass
like a sepia-coloured
memory.
meet a pelican
who slumbers.
& a pelican
who doesn't.
throw pebbles into
the water. finally,
i skim one with
my last attempt.
find a road lined
with palm trees.
jump across an
oh-so-dangerous,
waterless gutter.
fastpacedfootsteps.
our destination
seems daunting.
((i can see you with a
hand to your forehead &
already i'm soaking in guilt))
humid air merging
with the rain. walking
& falling & fooling.
put my coffee in a bag,
forget to add any sugar.
lie beneath the
star-cloud-night
making careless
conversation.
((sometimes i fall for my friends over & over again))
feet are swimming in
green-grass-dew.
i'm barefoot & coldstung.
but that was last night.
night surrenders to dawn.
dawn makes prophecies
of daylight.
& day dissolves
into another night.
i'll put this in your head;
i just don't know
what to say
to you.
why'd you go & steal my lines?
why'd you go & ruin it all?
i'm divided & subtracted. you're pulling me to pieces, pieces. maybe i won't notice the next time you betray me, the next time you keep a knife in my back. & you give it a twist. & you give it another. i'm recoiling like senseless. twirling&spinning because i've lost my direction. you can't help me, you put me here & i almost hate you. turning black & blue & grey. do you mind if i scream into your palm? because it's the only thing on my mouth right now. there's nothing i can write that will tell you i know, so i light an inferno & burn my broken watches. what can i do with my time, if it's all spent analysing you? i don't want you to mend me. no.no.no. you only make the paranoia louder. when you try to fix me, you only end up breaking me. calling & chasing & cursing & frowning. robbed of grace, faith & somethingliketrust. i dare you to guess the question. or would you prefer the truth?
you are my echolalia.
you are my echolalia.
you are my echolalia.