blue. blue. blue. yellow when i'm frightened of you. but otherwise i'm blue.

i say that i'm angry, that i hate you, love you, hate you. but what would i know?
all i wanted
was to be
...
all i wanted
was to be
your fascination.

end the charade and finish this chapter. because i don't want to see myself like that ever again.

does it surprise you that i'm crying? over you? for perhaps the twenty-third time in my life? and my life is meagre.

you just won't stop until i'm dead.

why i thought you would ever think anything of me... i do not know. it was an illusion. and i forgotforgotforgot how brilliant your illusions are

i watch you telling lies, though your face is solemn as anything, and it only makes me wonder if you do this to me

but why the hell should i be the exception? why? i'm just the dust
in your breeze
just the dust
just the dust.

i can't stop these shivers
oh, if you could feel them.
it is simply electric.

i hate it when people make you feel special because, more often than anything, they don't know what they're talking about.

don't touch me.
don't fucking
touch me,
because
everyone i
touch turns
to dirt.

but i... wanted you to know me more than anything. more than anyone i've ever known.

i'll stand by the ocean
and wonder why you
aren't standing
next to me.

you'll wonder
why i never ask.
but if you knew me
at all
you'd know i
could never ask.

but
when you ask
if i'm ok. i can
only ever give
one reply.

and if you write me
a letter, just please
don't sign your name.

your handwriting
makes my blood
flow twice as fast.

how many vignettes will have your namesake?

how many times will i weep
over broken pianos?

one decade from now,
i will wonder
where you went
((without me))

& i'll wear your memory
on my thoughts for
the rest
of my life.
...
it looks as though i
don't even know how to
begin forgetting you

it's a shame that i can only ever be passionate about people when it's midnight and i'm alone. it's a real shame.

my eyes are clearing up.

celina, it's time you go outside, find some tissues and make yourself some tea. you have some hard cramming ahead of you and you can't afford to be blubbering under your sheets because no one loves you the way you want them to. kid, it's tough, but you chose it.

my voice of reason is a bitch. and that's why i'll probably ignore her.

daylight will not be.